Something feels strange.
Even knowing it’s a hallucination.
My vision spins.
At some point, I find myself blankly staring at the sky.
It’s a gloomy sky.
Maybe my legs are weak, as I’m sitting on the concrete floor.
I’m bracing myself with one hand on the ground.
Tilting my head back slightly, I gaze upwards.
I don’t remember changing my posture, but it feels like I’ve been in this position for quite a while.
The technology at the Academy is impressive.
They say it ends when you shout “stop.”
But it doesn’t seem like there’s a problem yet.
I turn my head to check my surroundings.
I’m inside a house.
Han Si-Hoo is outside on the street.
Is it that day?
The time I thought I shouldn’t let Han Si-Hoo in.
It’s something that happened before my will even intervened.
What could I have changed?
What if Seo-A had asked Han Si-Hoo for help? Would it have been different?
Nothing would have changed.
Thud, thud.
I hear the sound of Han Si-Hoo knocking on the door.
I just need to open the door.
I can just tell him to come in.
Invite him to have fun.
Like old times.
“Ah…”
That can’t be.
Look at the state of the house.
How many doses of medicine have I taken?
Empty syringes are scattered on the floor.
All the medicine bottles are empty.
I remember now.
I used every bit of medicine I could before dying.
Out of fear.
I’m afraid of hanging myself with a rope.
I’m afraid of stabbing myself with a knife.
But living like this is even scarier.
I support myself with one hand on the floor.
In the other hand, I’m holding a small kitchen knife.
What was I going to use that for?
It’s not for cooking.
“Yoo Seo-A.”
Han Si-Hoo knocks again.
His voice sounds close.
I can feel him standing outside.
From here, Seo-A has taken on the role of coldly rejecting him.
Cursing at him while trying to drive him away.
Because I can’t let him see.
He must not come in through the door.
If he does, everything will be revealed.
Deep down, I feel a sense of joy.
The thought that Han Si-Hoo hasn’t forgotten me.
Right after, I introspect on what I’ve done.
Looking at the scattered syringes.
“Open up.”
His tone sounds aggressive.
Was he always like this?
I need to stop Han Si-Hoo from opening the door.
How?
There’s no strength in my body.
I feel like I can’t even speak.
What is the right choice?
It’s just a hallucination anyway.
It’s probably some sort of simulation.
It’s dredging up bad memories from the past.
But this level of memory shouldn’t be a problem.
I don’t consider it painful.
“Open the door.”
If he wants to, Han Si-Hoo can break in.
Even if he has to jump over the fence.
Break down the wall if he has to.
The reason he doesn’t is out of respect for Yoo Seo-A.
The house is a sanctuary.
It’s better for both of us if he doesn’t come in.
“I’m coming in.”
It’s flowing differently than I remember.
The lines are a bit different too.
Should I say something back?
I can’t perfectly recreate that moment.
Memories from the past?
It’s all fake, so does it matter?
If Han Si-Hoo is determined to come in, there’s no way to stop him.
Crash.
The door gets ripped off its hinges.
Well, here we go.
I can’t stop him.
“As expected.”
Han Si-Hoo, wielding a sword, says.
This has derailed from my memory.
I’ve never seen a scene like this.
It feels hostile.
I realize for the first time that he could give Yoo Seo-A that kind of look.
Even if it’s just a hallucination, it’s quite threatening.
“I couldn’t even die properly, could I?”
Han Si-Hoo wanders into the yard and picks up a rope.
The clumsily tied knot feels familiar.
“Are you thinking of just surviving like this, living off others?”
He tosses the rope lightly.
It’s a line that Han Si-Hoo would never actually say.
“It’s best for everyone. Dying here would be efficient. Unfortunately.”
This isn’t the real Han Si-Hoo.
But it feels strangely familiar.
I’ve felt a similar vibe somewhere before.
“Is there a problem?”
Han Si-Hoo mutters to himself.
“…Doctor? They can handle it at the Academy anyway. Most important characters don’t even know Yoo Seo-A exists…”
He seems to be pondering something.
It feels like something I’ve seen before.
“But, I can’t kill you myself.”
Han Si-Hoo steps closer to Yoo Seo-A.
With a slight smile on his face.
As if everything is going according to plan.
It’s clear he’s not the Han Si-Hoo I know.
But why does this feel so déjà vu?
That unique way of thinking feels familiar.
The dialogue feels familiar.
“There’s something called karma here. It’s also known as retribution. As long as I don’t kill you myself, I’m fine.”
He doesn’t want to dirty his hands.
But he wants Yoo Seo-A to die.
“It would have been convenient if you just died from an overdose. Is there no more medicine left?”
He kicks an empty syringe with his foot.
“If someone shows up with questions, that’d be a pain. The most straightforward way would be for you to take care of it yourself.”
I’m starting to get a hint of who he is.
More than Han Si-Hoo, he feels like the protagonist.
It’s something I’ve always thought.
I want to be the protagonist.
So, if I were the protagonist, what would I have done?
If I were in Han Si-Hoo’s position, I can’t rule out the possibility that I might have acted like him.
Efficiently, moving towards success, removing all obstacles.
“Don’t look at me like that. You think it’s better to end up like this too.”
I try to stand, staggering.
I’m still holding the kitchen knife.
“Are you thinking of attacking me?”
Han Si-Hoo asks with a smile.
“If I’m not here, neither will you be. The world will probably perish too, right?”
He sounds almost like…
What should I say.
“Let’s be efficient.”
Snap.
He snaps his fingers, and flames erupt.
“I just want to burn everything around here. That karma thing is a pretty annoying system. If I do something reckless, it might affect later character recruitment. Like a saint or something.”
That knowledge is external.
It’s something Han Si-Hoo in the story wouldn’t know.
At least it’s certain he shouldn’t know it at this point.
Unless he’s someone who came from outside the story like me.
“I know. You weren’t thinking of attacking me.”
It’s a hallucination.
A trauma test.
If this hallucination is based on me, then the Han Si-Hoo over there is probably based on me too.
It’s me.
It’s showing how I would have acted if I lived as Han Si-Hoo.
Extreme efficiency.
The thought that Yoo Seo-A must see herself as an obstacle.
The belief that she must not hinder the protagonist.
“…I plan to burn this house just right. Also practicing my [Fire] skill.”
Han Si-Hoo couldn’t possibly have the fire skill.
He must have obtained it through some trick.
This story isn’t supposed to flow like this.
The Han Si-Hoo in this hallucination seems more like a protagonist than I do now.
He seems to know more than I do.
He’s the protagonist, running towards the end of my desired efficiency.
“Like this.”
Clap.
With the sound of his finger snap, flames rise.
There are many precious items in the house.
Most have been disposed of, but some things I haven’t cleared out are still in the drawer.
I can’t just burn them like this.
Stop.
If I shout “stop,” the test should end.
Stop.
I can’t get the words out.
This isn’t acceptable, no matter what.
“Slums are nice like this. Even if it’s a mess, no one cares.”
Han Si-Hoo says cheerfully.
“Anyway, it’s going to rain shortly. You won’t catch a cold.”
That’s right.
Soon, rain will fall from this gloomy sky.
But right now, everything is different.
The situation is very different.
“…It’s not that I’m doing this because of personal vendetta.”
Han Si-Hoo stands next to me.
“You know. I would have tried to save you if you were fine… But it’s too late. It’s not right letting unnecessary emotions get involved. It’s already too late for you.”
It’s too late for Yoo Seo-A to be treated.
That’s certainly true.
Hearing it from someone else feels weird.
It’s a fact.
I know it’s the truth.
“It’s an illusion. Believing you’ll get treated. Look at you. You just wanted to feel pleasure. Living longer is just a hassle for others.”
I know.
I know it’s a burden.
“So let’s end it here. It’ll look nice and clean. I’ll take care of what you can’t do.”
If Han Si-Hoo can, then it’s fine without me.
All this time, I’ve just muttered that I’ve been an obstacle, garbage.
Yet I acted as if I deserved to live.
Because people treated me well.
Because they played with me.
“You really know what the right choice is.”
He says while looking at the burning house.
To leave absolutely no trace of Yoo Seo-A.
To never hinder the protagonist.
What the protagonist wants is what I want.
Because I am the protagonist.
If I were the protagonist, I would want Yoo Seo-A to disappear.
If my heart changed now that I’ve taken her position, that’d be hypocrisy.
Efficiency, moving directly toward my goal.
“Yeah. Good thinking.”
Right?
This is the right choice.
After all, thanks to using so much medicine, I don’t feel pain.
I was trying to muster courage.
The blade touches my neck.
I conclude my own life.
Without borrowing someone else’s hands.
The way that helps Han Si-Hoo the most.
The way to provide help.
Crash!
“-Stop. 8 minutes 56 seconds.”
Lee Yoo-Ram has stopped the test.
The surrounding environment returns to normal.
[2 hours 12 minutes.]
A lot of time has been reduced.
A black sword is gripped in my hand.
“Ah…”
So this was the test.
My mind is starting to come back.
I feel strange.
“Are you okay?”
I really feel strange.
I get rid of the sword I was holding.
[2 hours 11 minutes.]
That was close.
Inside the hallucination, I couldn’t see the time.
“…Are you okay? Even though it was stopped, this is enough to pass.”
But it seems Han Si-Hoo’s words were right.
“Was the test too intense?”
I shouldn’t have hindered the protagonist.
Especially when I couldn’t even disappear myself.
Instead of saying it, I should show it through my actions.
But now it’s already too late to have hindered him.
So I have to provide some kind of assistance.
Woosh.
[11 hours 21 minutes.]
“Aha…”
I feel better.
I was just thinking too negatively.
People need to live positively.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
Lee Yoo-Ram places a folder on the desk.
“We don’t need to do the pain tolerance test… Reaction time, concentration… We don’t have to do that either… Skipping monster processing by rank… We’ll end it here for today.”
“Is that it?”
“Yeah. The other classes are probably still at it for a while. There are many people, and they need to explain the system.”
“Ah, I see.”
The system the Academy operates on, I suppose.
Since I’m in the special class, it seems there’s not much need for an explanation.
“You’ve been reassigned to a new dorm, right? The medicine will be delivered directly there, so make sure to receive it.”
“Alright.”
I’ll receive the medicine directly without going through Han Si-Hoo.
That’s better.
“If there’s a shortage of medicine or any issues, contact me immediately. You received a device, right? Yeah, that one. Press this button to contact in emergencies…”
Si-Hoo registers several numbers on the device for me.
Han Si-Hoo.
It feels like my image has been somewhat overshadowed by earlier events.
Now, I understand how terrifying mental attacks can be.
Do other students go through something like this too?
I feel a sense of respect.
