Chapter 47: Look at Me (3)
Warm sunlight streamed through the window.
Naturally, my eyes fluttered open.
I should have felt refreshed after a deep sleep, but instead, I found a bizarre sense of relief washing over me.
It was the kind of relief that I couldn’t even comprehend—like I had narrowly dodged a huge crisis without even realizing it.
“Did I have some weird dream last night?”
I could have sworn I dreamt about someone tickling me.
Or maybe I dreamt about someone glaring at me with a piercing gaze.
But, as dreams do, the specifics quickly faded into a fog upon waking, leaving me utterly clueless.
Even the faint memories that lingered were dimming away.
Well, if I can’t remember it, it probably wasn’t that important after all.
With that thought in mind, I casually started to make my bed.
Habits can be terrifying.
Once you start a routine, you find yourself performing the tedious task of bed-making every single morning without fail.
Even though I had been out of the military for quite some time, this habit still clung to me.
After all, I’ll just mess it up again when I sleep later tonight anyway.
I can’t quite grasp why I even bother, honestly.
Nevertheless, I proceeded to neatly arrange my bedclothes.
A perfectly made bed.
Even the pillow was placed just so.
Finally, I glanced over at Siel, who was still soundly snoozing on my bed…
“…?”
In an instant, my mind went blank.
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief.
…It was exactly as I saw it.
Rubbing my eyes did nothing to change the sight before me: Siel was peacefully sleeping on my bed.
Pinching my cheek only left me feeling pain.
Thus, this was indeed reality.
I could feel cold sweat trickling down my back.
Without needing to look in a mirror, I knew my face must have turned as pale as a corpse.
‘Did I really do nothing wrong yesterday? I didn’t drink or anything… right?’
The confusion threatened to drive me insane.
However, I couldn’t ignore this bizarre situation for long.
I gently poked Siel.
This peculiar circumstance of her sprawled across my bed.
For some odd reason, I found myself unable to poke her as casually as I usually would, so I prodded her cheek with my finger as if she were a dangerous object.
Her cheek felt soft and squishy.
Just as I poked her cheek, Siel stirred slightly.
With her characteristic dazed expression, she rubbed her eyes and then sat up.
“What happened yesterday?”
I blurted out the question urgently, but Siel’s demeanor remained strikingly serene.
“What?”
Her response was completely unexpected.
I grasped at my dizzy head and did my best to continue the conversation calmly.
“Why were you suddenly sleeping in my bed?”
“Just because.”
But the reply I received was even more baffling.
Just because? What kind of answer is that?
There’s no way you can invade someone’s bed just because it strikes your fancy!
I was about to lecture this girl who clearly lacked common sense… but then I stopped myself.
I knew what would come next.
If I asked, “Does that even make sense?”
Siel would respond with, “Is it not okay?”
If I gave a sensible answer, like “Of course it’s not okay,”
She’d innocently ask me, “Why isn’t it okay?”
Explaining that would veer straight into inappropriate territory, so I’d awkwardly retort, “Well… because we’re of different genders, so it’s a bit concerning.”
Then, Siel would respond with her usual naivete, asking, “Do you care about me?”
…In the end, it was Siel who had performed the bizarre act of sneaking into my bed. But somehow, I would end up the mad pervert in this scenario.
We had been together long enough to know how these conversations play out.
By now, I had learned that obsessing over this kind of thing usually ended with me losing.
Siel might come off as speechless, but she surprisingly excelled at verbal sparring.
Whether it’s snatching my cup of tea and sipping it or petting me every time I let out a sigh.
If I chose to nitpick every little thing, I’d be the one to lose.
“Yeah… I see.”
Eventually, conceding was the best option.
Instead of questioning what sort of mindset leads someone to sneak into another’s bed in the dead of night,
It was far more effective to empathize with her longing to sleep in my bed.
So, one minor drama was resolved. Siel and I exchanged blank stares.
…It felt awkward.
Even though we had spent so much time together, there still lingered an odd tension. If it didn’t feel awkward, that would actually be weirder.
After all, how could any man remain calm with a girl lying in his bed?
I pondered over the best way to diffuse this tension… and then hit upon a sensible question.
“So… are you feeling any better?”
It hadn’t been long since she had overexerted herself and ended up bedridden. Just yesterday, she had been lying in bed to recuperate.
Siel paused to think before giving a small nod.
Seeing her response made my heart ache.
Even after all that, she was so unbothered. It really seemed like she had zero awareness of any impending danger.
“If you’re in pain, you should let me know. Why didn’t you say anything?”
The frustration and pity spilled out of me.
She had just let others walk all over her in the mining camp, enduring their bullying. And now, she was doing the same thing again.
“Just because.”
Once again, Siel offered a vague, simplistic answer.
It was exasperating!
…But.
No more nagging crawled out of my mouth. There was simply no way those words could escape me.
Of course.
“Because you asked me to. I wanted to do anything for you.”
How could I possibly scold someone who said that?
“Still. Next time, if you feel like you’re going to collapse, please tell me beforehand.”
In the end, all I could do was scratch the back of my neck awkwardly, leaving a half-hearted statement hanging in the air.
Yet, Siel simply stared at me blankly and then fired off another unexpected question.
“Are you worried about me?”
“Well… yeah.”
No matter how awkward it felt, I couldn’t lie to someone who had suffered because of me.
Thus, I returned a truthful response.
“I see.”
Siel’s expression looked oddly mysterious.
…It felt strange.
She probably asked out of simple curiosity because it was Siel.
But, considering the context, it felt a bit different.
My heart felt fluttery and I found myself unable to meet her gaze.
‘What’s going on here?’
Naturally, such thoughts crossed my mind.
I felt like the lead in some teenage rom-com at my age.
Is it true that humans are ruled by hormones?
Or had my body’s youthful age shaped me into this half-baked version of myself?
As such musings rolled through my head, I let out a deep sigh.
*
Ian groaned, clutching his forehead like he had a headache.
During moments like this, there was only one thing Siel could do.
She got up from the bed and strolled over to Ian. Then, as was her custom, she began to pet him gently.
The feel of his hair was delightful.
She also cherished his slightly embarrassed reaction.
“Yeah… thanks.”
Ian replied as if he’d had some grand epiphany.
Normally, this would have been the end of the exchange.
But Siel moved even closer to Ian.
Then, she nestled her face against his chest.
She could feel the rhythm of his heartbeat.
It was a new sensation, like she was completely attuned to him.
“…What are you doing?”
Ian asked, bewildered.
However, Siel was unperturbed. She knew all about him. Ian was the type who rarely refused when pressed a little bit hard.
“It’s not fair. You’re always the one who gets to pet me.”
Siel stated as she gazed into Ian’s eyes.
Ian’s face flushed bright red.
Indeed, it had been wise of her to stop when she did.
Siel adored that sweet innocence of his.
Ian pondered for a moment… but in the end, he gently stroked her hair.
“Can you grant me one favor?”
After enjoying that blissful sensation for a spell, Siel opened her mouth once more and asked.
Ian seemed flustered by this sudden request, but Siel pressed on without hesitation.
“You rewarded her for doing her best. I’ve also done my best. Much more than she has.”
“Y-yeah, that’s true. What’s your request?”
What could she possibly be asking for?
She already had a clear idea of what she wanted.
She wished for Ian to only have eyes for her.
For him to care only about her and to love only her.
But.
‘That wouldn’t be right.’
What she loved was this very version of Ian.
A person who held sweetness within yet could go off the rails occasionally.
He might not even realize it, but he was the kindest person in the world.
Thus.
She couldn’t stand in the way of his path.
He had so much to achieve.
He had dreams to chase.
She loved witnessing him pursue those ambitions.
Yet.
If she could just indulge in a little greed.
“That’s… something I’ll tell you later.”
Someday, when everything is said and done.
She wished he would look back at her.
She wished he would love her.
