Episode 146
“Didn’t you already hear?”
Jin Yeoreum said, shivering slightly in the cold rain.
“I’m probably the most talked-about person in Korea right now, right? The doping girl, attention-seeking merchant, counterexample to youth support policies, the shame of the Korea-Japan match, the cause of national disgrace, the corrupt third-generation chaebol… Wow, so many names to be called. But hey, they’re all true, aren’t they?”
Seon Taeyang silently wiped away her tears.
Jin Yeoreum couldn’t bring herself to stop his touch and continued speaking.
“That’s the kind of person I am. The worst bomb, and a nationally disliked figure. You want to make an idol out of me? Improve my image? How is that even possible?!”
“….”
“My time volunteering at the orphanage seems really foolish now. Did I really think that was enough to atone for my sins? Me? …10 years? 20 years? Ha, even 50 years wouldn’t change a thing. I will forever be disliked, and that won’t change no matter what I do.”
Why did she engage in rhythmic gymnastics?
Why didn’t she settle for being an amateur and instead aspired to be a professional?
Why does she represent the name Jinkang?
…Why is she Jin Yeoreum?
I don’t know. But I knew it was too late already.
“So, Team Leader Seon. Stop wasting time.”
Seon Taeyang told Jin Yeoreum.
“I want to be an idol with you, Yeoreum. Nothing else matters to me.”
“….”
Does Seon Taeyang even realize?
That the tears that seemed about to fall were now flowing freely.
I think he probably does. After all, he’s the one wiping the tears, not someone else.
With her eyes gently closed, feeling his touch, Jin Yeoreum said.
“It’s raining right now, does it even matter to wipe my eyes?”
“Even if it flows down in the rain, you still have to wipe away the tears.”
“Why?”
Seon Taeyang replied with a warm smile to her question.
“Memories of shedding tears alone are remembered as loneliness. But memories of someone wiping your tears will be remembered as cherished moments.”
Jin Yeoreum opened her eyes and looked at the man in front of her.
“You’re a strong person, Yeoreum. But it seems like you’re so strong that you try to bear your weaknesses all alone. Just like now.”
“…I’m not strong. I’m a very weak person.”
“You, who try to overcome all the world’s grievances by yourself?”
“I can’t overcome them… I just curl up and accept them.”
“The fact that you can say that means you’re a strong person, Yeoreum.”
Even drenched in the rain, he gazes only at her.
“However, I think it’s okay not to be strong.”
“Really?”
“Maybe it’s fine to cry a little, be a bit of a nuisance, and throw some sensitive tantrums, right?”
“…You’re quite the bothersome person.”
He chuckled again at her words.
“We’re the same.”
“….”
“When two bothersome people rely on each other in a messy, inconvenient way, sadness can easily turn into…”
“…What?”
“…Joy.”
The rain continued to drizzle. Her body was cold, and the fear and sadness made her heart even colder. But ever since that man appeared, she felt herself gradually warming up.
“Ms. Yeoreum, let’s be like an idol.”
“….”
“I can’t promise this moment will come again. It’ll hurt. But in that moment, I’ll definitely wipe away your tears. So that when you look back later, even that can be a memory.”
“…Ah.”
To be beside someone, she had to hurt that someone.
So, it would be best if the person next to her was someone she disliked.
Or maybe someone she had no interest in at all.
Convincing herself that Seon Taeyang could be that person and crazily following him might have been possible.
However, Jin Yeoreum clearly recognized that it had become impossible.
Because from this moment on, she no longer wanted to hurt that person more than anyone else.
“Team Leader Seon.”
Therefore, her choice became clear.
“Yes, Ms. Yeoreum.”
To distance herself from Seon Taeyang.
“I refuse.”
That was the only way to truly care for him.
“…I absolutely don’t want to be an idol.”
*
A year passed.
She stayed at this university.
So, she wrote a letter to Seon Taeyang, trying to sound as bright as possible.
“Hello. Team Leader Seon. This is Jin Yeoreum. It’s been a long time since I last said hi.”
“A year is quite enough time to call it a long time, right?”
Her surrounding environment didn’t miraculously improve.
Misunderstandings remained unresolved, and if anything, they had gotten worse.
The piercing stares that approached like thorns dug into her heart like poison, decaying her feelings.
Because it was a close-knit community, and she had to run into them inevitably, the methods to escape were elusive.
She became isolated.
“Here, everyone calls me ‘Jin’ or ‘Summer.’ It seems the name Yeoreum is quite hard for my foreign friends to pronounce. But I don’t feel bad about it at all. If anything, it’s kind of nice. It means that here, no one recognizes Jin Yeoreum as the doping scandal.”
– There was some controversy, but it seems like the foreign friends aren’t really interested in the news about someone in a small Eastern country using drugs.
– No way. The fact that a foreign girl in the same class is a celebrity dominating the main portal news in her country is definitely a big deal, even if it’s news from a faraway land. Even if the content is negative.
– Sometimes I see Korean friends too, but they don’t seem to realize I’m Jin Yeoreum. Has my face changed that much since my rhythmic gymnastics days? Or maybe they just can’t wrap their heads around the fact that I’m studying here? Either way, it’s nice to see them.
– Ah… what you saw last time was a little misunderstanding. After talking in the Korean community, the misunderstanding got cleared up. It wasn’t easy, but now everything has improved, so you don’t need to worry.
And so she kept weaving her web of lies.
As she wrote the letter, she recalled what Taeyang had told her a year ago.
If someone wipes away your tears, you can remember it not as loneliness but as a precious memory. Those words still tugged at her heart.
Just like those words, she hoped her memories with Seon Taeyang would feel different through this letter.
Not that she let go of something precarious, but rather that she released it for a happier path.
Thinking that way felt good to her.
So she continued to fill the letter with lies.
However, not everything was a lie. There was at least one drop of truth tucked in carelessly.
– I wanted to be an idol with Team Leader Seon, Gyeoul, and Gaeul. I really did.
“….”
A tear dropped onto the letter.
Her hand stopped writing.
‘…Actually, I shouldn’t be writing this. It’s not to comfort Team Leader Seon.’
Even if this letter reaches Taeyang, it probably wouldn’t have a positive effect on him.
If he finds out the sender is Jin Yeoreum, it’ll only put him in a difficult position.
I wonder if Taeyang himself would think of this as a hassle.
Scratch, scratch.
Yet, her hand resumed writing again.
‘But please, just a little, just a tiny bit forgive me. I promise I’ll endure more from now on. Silently, and as if the mouse is dead, I’ll make you forget the name Jin Yeoreum… Please just forgive me a little.’
This letter wasn’t just a casual update.
It was a burst of pent-up longing that couldn’t be contained.
Or perhaps it was a drop of nostalgia comforting the tears that overflowed every day.
And it was a love letter full of affection.
“…Huk, huk.”
At some point, it had gradually and stealthily infiltrated her heart, growing to an extent that she could no longer pretend not to know.
She liked Seon Taeyang.
That playful smile of his.
The broad back that felt so reassuring.
The gentle hand that wiped away her tears.
Everything. All of it.
-Reflecting on the memories of a midsummer night. From Jin Yeoreum.
She wrote the final line in her letter.
It was over.
In a life where she had been born to give up one thing after another, she had given up yet another.
Perhaps, that was the only story.
But this time, she couldn’t just accept it nonchalantly as she always had.
Wasn’t it said that tears shed alone are loneliness?
According to what she was feeling right now, it was true.
And because she knew this moment couldn’t become a memory, she cried quietly, alone.
And at that moment, her vision changed.
‘…Uh, where am I?’
It was a familiar structure and interior.
Yeoreum quickly realized where she was. It was the hallway behind Jinkang.
And in front of her stood an unforgettable man.
Jin Yeoreum whispered that name.
“Team Leader Seon?”
Was it a miracle birthed by something transcendent? Or had she truly lost her mind?
Objectively, the latter seemed more probable.
She had to regain her senses. But even that scared her.
The illusion unfolding before her was simply too sweet.
In the midst of her confusion, trembling, Seon Taeyang spoke to her.
“You said in your letter that you wanted to be an idol, right?”
…This might just be a fleeting dream, an illusion.
“So, I decided to pull some strings. To be honest, I wanted to become an idol with you too.”
But even if it was an illusion that would eventually vanish, she wanted to indulge in that fantasy.
So she hugged him tightly, as if she could never let go.
And at that moment, Jin Yeoreum woke up from her dream.
*
In the dark hospital room, Yeoreum woke up, drenched in cold sweat.
Seeing that, I hurriedly pushed my laptop, which I had been organizing documents on, aside and spoke to her.
“You’re awake! Yeoreum, are you okay?”
Jin Yeoreum’s eyes turned toward me. Then her trembling body gradually settled.
Tears began to flow from her eyes, which stared at me blankly.
She looked so heartbreakingly sorrowful.
…No, what kind of dream did she have?
