Chapter 57
Life is originally pain.
Perhaps the only currency that humans can pay is pain.
Buying happiness with pain.
Most people are like that.
They pay the pain of work and buy happiness with money.
Pain comes first, followed by happiness.
However, there are cases where happiness is bought on credit.
Then, sooner or later, a price must be paid.
It’s a debt of pain.
I too have incurred a lot of debt.
The pleasure provided by medication came at no cost of pain for me.
It feels like inherited debt.
Debt from which there is no possibility of renunciation.
Already ruined, I keep racking up more debt.
Until I reach my limit.
To the point where even repaying just the interest becomes impossible.
Whew.
But there is a way!
To transfer the debt I owe to someone else.
All the weapons I create are made of pain.
It’s pain that I should have endured.
If someone else endures the pain for me, I can repay my debt.
Crack.
Give and take.
When I inflict pain, my opponent receives it.
It’s strange that I didn’t realize this simple rule until now.
I killed the suppression team that was trying to kill Researcher A.
I didn’t realize it then, but it was thanks to that that I finally started to regain my senses.
I, who couldn’t even speak, opened my mouth.
Because I paid the interest.
Sigh.
So I killed the doctor.
I shared the pain I should have endured with the doctor.
“Hehe.”
Stabbing, stabbing, stabbing.
The doctor is a nice person.
So I feel guilty.
It’s the guilt I pay for this excessive happiness.
[2%]
Maybe that means 2000 hours.
When I surpassed 1000 hours, it was 1%.
Is that not right?
Two thousand isn’t a small number.
But if it’s not time, I have no idea what that means.
– Zzt.
The radio, which I thought was just decoration, springs to life.
A voice fills the quiet study.
– “Monsters have been released from the nearby testing grounds.”
It’s the doctor.
– “All the medicine that Seo-Ah used for the local residents has been used up, so there’s no way for them to defend themselves against the monsters.”
It’s the doctor’s voice.
I clearly just killed him.
The body remains.
But the voice doesn’t stop.
– “I believe Seo-Ah will handle it.”
It sounds like I should clean it up now that the monsters have been released.
– “I got an idea from the method Seo-Ah used to escape. Thank you.”
What did I just kill?
Wasn’t it the doctor?
Is he dressed like a doctor?
Playing a pre-recorded message?
Or is this not a real doctor but rather some kind of doll?
“What did you just say…?”
My head isn’t functioning well.
I tried to understand what the doctor said, but I failed.
“Oh, did he say the monsters are coming?”
That’s right.
So please protect the residents a bit.
“And then?”
What should I do?
I’m busy repaying my debt.
Even just repaying the interest is overwhelming.
So… let’s shift the pain to the monsters.
They’ll repay the debt for me.
And I will be happy.
“Hahaha, hahaha.”
I’m happy.
I’ve used up all the medicine in the study.
In fact, isn’t that why I killed the doctor?
I initially planned to use him until he was no longer useful and then kill him.
There’s medicine in the drawer that opens with a clatter.
That’s it.
I was told there’s a stronger medicine.
Great.
Should I use more medicine first and think later?
“Hehe…”
There’s too much debt.
This issue arose from continuously buying pleasure.
Other people will pay the price.
People who wouldn’t care if I ended up in the trash or treated worse than a human being.
People who created this kind of society are at fault.
The ones who made Seo-Ah incur debt.
Just repay it, right?
In the mirror at the entrance of the study, a monster appears.
It resembles Seo-Ah but is not Seo-Ah.
Haha, no wonder human rights were stripped away.
Even if I were a researcher, I would still want to study this.
Why do the eyes look like that?
Even if it weren’t that, it’s just weird.
It’s not that I want to break the mirror for no reason.
– It’s all your fault.
Seo-Ah in the mirror smiles and says.
– It’s all your fault.
No.
– It’s because you messed up.
It’s not true.
– It’s all your fault.
“Is it all my fault? Don’t be ridiculous; if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be here. Do you know how hard I’ve struggled?”
– It’s because you made a mistake.
“I didn’t make a mistake; it just looked like one. In the end, everything fell into place, didn’t it? Judging by the outcome, I was right from the start. Isn’t it reasonable to judge based on results? Everyone who insists I was wrong is a fool. Even if what I did was wrong, the situation made me that way; it wasn’t because I failed. In such circumstances, anyone would act the same. I’m not the only one; no, I’m truly a genius. I don’t make mistakes.”
– Why did you do that?
“Why do I always have to make excuses? I had reasons. Everything has reasons, but people don’t listen to the reasons and just insult me. They don’t want to understand me anyway, so it’s useless for me to talk.”
Because people dislike me.
Because I dislike myself.
Because I’m a monster.
Because I’m no different from a monster.
– That’s right!
If the world made me this way, why should I hate myself? No, it’s everyone’s fault. I didn’t become this way all by myself. So, there’s no reason to insult me. Right? You have no reason to insult me. That’s how it is.
You are nothing; you know nothing. You’re just dust. You think you understand the universe while flying in the breeze. Your face is sand; crumble.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being born. It’s my fault this world is broken. If I hadn’t been born, if I had died properly, everything would have been fine. Sorry, for still being alive like this…”
The mirror distorts.
Or maybe I just broke it.
“The researchers are laughing. They’re mocking me! But I will kill them! I’ll tear them apart! If I do that, will you like me again? If I do that, everything will be fine? I know I did something wrong. But if I kill the monsters, I can be forgiven! Yes!”
Let’s go kill the monsters.
Quickly, quickly, quickly.
*
Rusty plates, broken pipes, and grease crawling on top are visible.
Rusted walls and blood flowing on the road.
Monsters are visible.
Really, they’re like friendly little pals.
They haven’t done much wrong except for killing people.
It seems they don’t even think about attacking me, really considering me a friend!
Sorry, Si-Hoo!
I’m garbage.
Crack.
A black twig pierces through the monsters.
So this is the tree of pain.
All the weapons I create are made of pain.
So normally, you level up when you catch such things.
I’ve killed dozens of them.
They died without putting up a fight.
[3%]
A bit raised.
This isn’t medicinal effect.
This is the repayment rate.
It was a figure showing how much debt I had repaid.
Once it reaches 100%, I’ll be free.
I’ll repay all my debts and become a free man.
Freedom.
But thinking about it, that’s quite a burdensome word.
Because I don’t particularly need freedom.
Shouldn’t I just stay there and die?
An existence that can’t even distinguish between monsters and myself.
A pathetic being trying to shift debts it has racked up onto others.
I don’t know the reason for my existence.
“I guess it was because I’m a monster. Even if this happened… it’s only natural. The reason they did this to me… was that there was enough reason to. Die. Die. Die.”
Bang.
The sound of monsters bursting.
“I’m really… really sorry. I can’t help it… because I have the debt I must repay. I had to… of course. I’m sorry. But I didn’t want to be there. I’m not a monster, I’m not, I’m not. Since when was Seo-Ah a monster? Why? Why? Why? I didn’t want to take the medicine, but why?”
The reason for using medicine is simple.
It’s time to level up!
I’ve killed many monsters.
I’m a good person, and being too kind is my downfall.
There’s Si-Hoo.
For some reason, he’s covered in blood, gasping as he runs over.
He looks over this way.
His expression seems a bit brighter but is also full of fear, which is impressive.
“Seo-Ah?”
He calls my name.
Why?
He’s holding a sword in his hand.
It’s drenched in blood.
A sword?
A blade?
He seems to think of stabbing again.
He’s likely to kill me.
If I come to, I’ll be pierced.
Scary, scary, scary.
Sorry for betraying you.
Please, save me.
But still, he holds the sword.
He thinks I’m a monster.
Damn, damn, damn.
I’m not.
I’m not a monster!
I covered my eyes with my hands just in case.
Though I look even more monstrous than before, I’m not a monster!
“Seo-Ah?”
Until when do you plan to torment me?
I apologized, didn’t I?
I apologized! So why are you coming after me?
Does Han Si-Hoo still hate me?
Are you going to choke me?
Are you going to hit me?
Are you going to stab me?
Are you going to call me a trash rag?
Hahaha.
“I’m not a monster, I’m telling you? Those monsters are the real monsters! Not me! So if I kill them, it’s all over. They’re not my friends. I can prove it. I’m perfectly normal and kind, and I am an absolutely safe, problem-free good person! I’ll kill them all!”
That should do it.
“So, please… please forgive me.”
Hehe.
I asked for forgiveness with a smile.