Chapter:
I returned home with the doctor.
I was hopeful that a delicious meal awaited since he said he brought food.
But the doctor added medicine to the food.
I noticed it while eating, but what could I do? I was hungry after all.
“There’s an academy graduation ceremony in four days. You could call it a promotion ceremony for Han Si-Hoo. It’s the best time to enter the Academy.”
After finishing the meal, the doctor said.
“Is that so?”
“Are you feeling motivated to do something now?”
“Yeah. What kind of medicine is this? I feel strange.”
There was sauce on the meat, and I thought he must have done something to the sauce. It had a unique flavor.
“It’s a herb that amplifies certain emotions. There’s an Awakener who specializes in this sort of thing, so I asked them to prepare it for me.”
Amplification of emotions.
That seemed about right.
All sorts of buried emotions were swirling inside me.
Inferiority, fear, vengeance, pain, emptiness, and so on.
Yet, strangely enough, I didn’t feel like dying.
To be able to feel such diverse emotions while the drug was still effective…
“But why this?”
“The medicine that Seo-A takes generally dulls emotions.”
“So why this?”
“I thought it might serve as better motivation. If the emotions feel rich, that is.”
Motivation?
I felt a variety of emotions.
There was a clear difference from what I felt when the drug’s effect wore off.
I didn’t feel like dying.
On the contrary, I thought about killing someone.
“I… I feel like I might have a murderous impulse.”
“That’s normal. In fact, it was used illegally by military organizations.”
“Ah…?”
He would give me something like that?
As motivation for what?
I didn’t know what for, but it had been a while since I could chew on such diverse emotions.
“Now, can you recall that male student from the Academy? How does that make you feel? Do you feel vengeful?”
“Hm, I want to pay him back.”
“I see. Could you check if there’s a wound on your abdomen?”
Oh, the place I got hit earlier?
I lifted my shirt to check.
“Oh, it’s bruised…”
There was a nasty bruise on my belly.
I was lucky there were no broken bones.
It looked painful just to move, but thanks to the drug, it didn’t hurt that much.
“The wound seems worse than I expected. Now, how do you feel about that male student again?”
“Uh, I want to kill him.”
“Good.”
I want to kill him.
No, even though I was hit hard enough to bruise, I shouldn’t want to kill him.
It shouldn’t make me feel that angry.
Something felt like it was forcibly stimulating my brain.
“Ah…”
I felt both good and bad.
Joyful yet unpleasant.
The two conflicting emotions made my head feel hot.
“Then do you now want to kill Han Si-Hoo?”
“…Si-Hoo?”
That question again?
It wasn’t a casual question to just end there.
It felt different from when I was questioned at midnight.
I thought it might be due to the drug altering my mindset…
“I asked you this before, but this time I have a better condition to propose.”
“A better condition?”
“I’ll provide you with the medicine whenever and wherever you need it. I’ll also guarantee your living expenses. Of course, this is under the premise that you kill Han Si-Hoo.”
Medicine and living expenses.
It was definitely a better option than just giving me medicine.
“Well…”
I couldn’t tell if that meant I would receive my reward after killing him or if I’d receive help while I tried to kill him.
“You still seem to be contemplating, so let me help you a bit.”
“No…”
“Do you remember what you told Han Si-Hoo when you chased him away harshly before?”
“……”
He didn’t leave room for me to ask about the conditions.
Anyway, he asked me if I remembered what I said to Han Si-Hoo, so I should ponder carefully.
Filter out the various things Yoo Seo-A has said.
“Isn’t it nice to escape to the Academy? You’re enjoying it alone, right?”
“Why do you keep flaunting and deceiving me?”
“I feel like I could have lived better if it wasn’t for you.”
“Good for you, Awakened one, making it on your own.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“Just get lost. Don’t show up in front of me again.”
…
That’s quite a lot.
Look at how hard my childhood friend tried to get rid of Han Si-Hoo.
I wonder why I did such a useless thing.
“I feel like crying.”
Yoo Seo-A’s emotions surfaced.
A single tear was about to fall.
Regret and sadness were intertwined.
And a bit of inferiority and anger.
After saying such things, I even went to borrow money; I must have a truly thick face.
I understood how the drug dulled my emotions.
“Now, think about how Han Si-Hoo treated Seo-A.”
How did the Protagonist treat me?
How did he treat me again?
I recalled a conversation I had with him last time I visited the academy.
“I don’t understand. There’s never been a problem with the medicine costs before, has there?”
“Have we reached that point?”
“Let’s not get involved with each other anymore.”
This was what I heard after walking three hours from home to the academy…
Thinking back, I could feel anger rising.
Why is the Protagonist always cheerful?
Why am I suffering because I’ve become someone like Yoo Seo-A?
Some live hard and gain nothing, while others obtain everything easily.
The world has always been unfair.
I should take my anger at the unfairness and direct it toward the Protagonist.
Standing alone amid inequality, he’s reaping the rewards.
Han Si-Hoo is the Protagonist, so he can do whatever he wants.
The protagonist of my life should be myself, but Han Si-Hoo is the Protagonist.
No, if he’s not the Protagonist, give him another good role.
Why did I have to be the drug-addicted childhood friend…?
Drug-addicted?
No, that’s not it.
I couldn’t possibly be that way.
I always took my medicine in moderation.
Besides, this isn’t a drug; it’s just medicine.
Anyway, the presence of a Protagonist in this world is what causes the problems.
It’s all done for the sake of the Protagonist’s unfortunate past.
If Han Si-Hoo didn’t exist, Yoo Seo-A wouldn’t have ended up like this.
Really.
The reason Yoo Seo-A ended up taking such medicine is also because of the Protagonist.
Han Si-Hoo wouldn’t know that, though.
“Thinking about it, it’s all Han Si-Hoo’s fault.”
That’s right. It’s all the Protagonist’s fault.
What was it again?
Because… it’s the Protagonist’s fault.
“Do you want to kill him?”
“Yes.”
“You’ve thought well. It’s good that your motivation is clear. No matter who it is, I wouldn’t want to take someone thoughtless and force them to fight.”
“We’re going to fight?”
“I mentioned it, right? Even ordinary people can become Awakeners. They just need a bit of the drug.”
“So I’m going to use that drug and fight Han Si-Hoo?”
“Of course not. You’re just going to meet him and talk. It won’t be fighting.”
Just talking?
Didn’t he just say to kill him a minute ago?
I recalled the scene from the novel where Yoo Seo-A tried to attack Han Si-Hoo with a non-functional body.
It didn’t feel like a fight; more like one side was just letting the other have a chance.
Things were different now.
Unlike previously, I wasn’t in a poor state.
I’ve never taken an excessive amount of medicine.
I’m fine, health-wise.
If I’m not in pain at all now, then that’s clear.
The situation is much better compared to the Yoo Seo-A in the novel.
No matter how mad I get, I won’t just charge at Han Si-Hoo to die.
There shouldn’t be any major issues, right?
“Anyway, as I said, the Academy’s graduation ceremony is in four days… I’ll give you the awakening medicine then. You can relax because you’ve taken all the necessary drugs with your meal.”
“Okay.”
To be honest, I wanted to visit Han Si-Hoo right now.
The urge to spill all the emotions brewing inside me was creeping up.
They said the emotional amplification was effective, and wow, it really was.
“Oh, and here. It looks like you’re almost out of your previous medicine, so I brought some.”
The doctor pulled out a bottle containing blue medicine from his bag.
“This is a new drug.”
[37 minutes]
I glanced at the remaining time.
It was just the right time for a shot.
“…a new drug?”
“Since you might have sustained internal injuries when you were punched, this drug helps heal wounds quickly. It also increases your healing abilities over the long term. It will help with your future endeavors.”
“I see.”
“It’s a bit more addictive than the previous medicine, but it should be fine. I believe you’ll use it wisely. The dosage remains the same as before.”
“Then, how much is this one…”
“You don’t have to pay. Just the fact that you want to kill Han Si-Hoo is enough.”
“Wow.”
Lifetime free drugs!
But will it even matter since I can’t kill the Protagonist?
Even if I’m mad, I wouldn’t genuinely go for the Protagonist.
Even if I truly went for it, I wouldn’t be able to kill him.
I’ve never hated someone deeply enough to burn my life for it.
I won’t in the future.
I shouldn’t.
Life is precious.
“Umm, I’ll leave the food here, so eat when you’re hungry. I’ll come back later… Ideally, it’d be best if you stayed home until then. It’d be problematic if you pass out outside again.”
“Yes, goodbye.”
I slightly bowed to the doctor as he left the house.
I didn’t think I needed to be that polite.
Strangely, I felt very little emotion towards him.
As a suspicious guy who feeds me strange drugs, I should at least feel some resentment.
[17 minutes]
“Oh, time.”
I snapped out of my daze after standing still for a while.
I seem to have developed the habit of daydreaming anytime recently.
I reached for the bottle containing the new drug.
The blue liquid sloshed inside.
Unlike the previous drugs, this one had a color, making it strangely more burdensome.
I measured the amount in the syringe.
What could it mean when they say it’s more addictive?
I guess I’ll have to find out myself.
I adjusted the angle of the syringe.
I inserted the needle.
“Ugh…”
Then, the unpleasant sensation of getting injected filled me.
[6 hours 32 minutes]
The remaining time had increased.
It rose less than the previous times when it increased by 8 hours.
Is there an additional function to the drug making the time shorter?
“Umm…”
I gradually started to feel good.
While the previous drug just felt like lying on the bed, this felt like soaking in a warm bath.
No matter what I do at home, I don’t think I could feel better than this.
It felt satisfying.
The downside was the effect only lasts about 6 hours.
“But this really heals, right…?”
My belly was bruised, but it didn’t hurt even when I touched it.
Maybe it was because of the drug.
It should heal on its own, right?
Umm. Suddenly, there’s that Academy student… what was his name? Ethan?
I want to go there and kill him.
Ah, it’s scary how my emotions keep ramping up.
I need to be careful.
I need to avoid the ending where I recklessly charge at the Protagonist and die.
Of course, this is all Han Si-Hoo’s fault.
It is truly the Protagonist’s mischief.
Even so, I can’t consider him a lifelong enemy or someone I must devote my life to eliminate.
Wouldn’t it be better if we all made up and lived well together?
With those thoughts, I again stared blankly at the ceiling.
