I received a gift that wasn’t really a gift from the Cheonma.
I also raided the Martial Artist Guild’s snacks.
So, I thought there wouldn’t be any more annoying things to deal with.
But how could there not be annoying things at the Academy?
This place is a mad house without a single human.
And then, an annoying matter suddenly found its way to me.
Like a mosquito sneaking in and buzzing near my ear without me realizing it.
“Did you eat all of it?”
“…So, why did you suddenly buy this?”
“I have something I want to ask you all.”
It was a quiet weekend.
Suddenly, me, Hyeji, Jeong Ahyeon, and Elcia all gathered at the cafeteria early in the morning.
The one who called us was none other than the Lizard Beastman, the Chief’s secretary.
As soon as we were told to order as much food as we wanted, we went wild like untied ponies, ordering everything on the menu from start to finish.
Just as we were about to finish our meal, the Lizard Beastman spoke up.
“Could you take a look at this photo?”
The Lizard Beastman said, handing us a picture.
What we saw was a horrific sight.
A mangled, folding jaw. A face coated in slick oil.
Hair stuck to a scalp due to the grease.
Skin that looked more wrecked than the moon’s surface.
If I had to say, there was a pig that kinda looked like a human in the photo.
“Shinwoo, have you ever seen such an animal? I sure haven’t.”
“I’ve never seen anything like that either. Could it be a new monster?”
“More like a subspecies, right?”
“Husband! I’ll go order more food! Do you need anything?”
Elcia asking for my response.
I gestured for her to wait a moment and faced the Lizard Beastman seriously.
I was quite worried, after all.
About the Lizard Beastman’s finances, that is.
“If Elcia decides to go all out, she won’t be able to pay for it with her own money.”
“I figured as much, so I slyly borrowed the Chief’s card.”
Then there’s no worry.
I immediately commanded Elcia.
“Elcia! Order more meat dishes!”
“Then I’ll order as much as we did again!”
“I’ll just have one more rice bowl.”
“Hey, you little brat! I’m having beef!”
“…….I didn’t mean to say order without limit.”
“I’ll have beef as well, please.”
The Lizard Beastman’s eyes began to twitch slightly.
Meanwhile, Elcia’s Escort Elf sneaked in, fulfilling her own desires.
As everyone started eating again, the failed protagonist, Piece, spoke to me.
[……Is that really enough for the heroine to eat? At this rate, she’s gonna need the bathroom-]
‘Danger!’
Suddenly, a butterfly conjured by Elcia’s magical power zipped past my left temple.
Whether it barely grazed my temple or not, a thin vein began to flow down the side of my face.
“……Why am I suddenly feeling this way?”
“Oh my! Curious, but I felt like I needed to throw something right now!”
“You’re feeling that too, Kanp? I occasionally feel like I need to shoot Shinwoo sometimes.”
“Just because you feel like it doesn’t mean go ahead and shoot, you crazy girls.”
[……I’m sorry, I didn’t expect that to happen all of a sudden.]
‘These guys are increasingly getting out of the normal range.’
Elcia was good at multitasking, extending her left hand to make butterflies while her right continued to grab food.
I could see her insatiable appetite more and more.
Probably thinking this couldn’t go on, the Lizard Beastman spoke first.
“I would like you to find what’s in that photo.”
“If you’re looking for a monster, isn’t it better to ask a professor for help?”
Because we’re more about schmoozing than hunting monsters, after all.
But the next words from the Lizard Beastman were.
“I’m sorry, but it’s not a monster. It’s a person.”
“……What?”
It was too shocking.
We expressed our disbelief at those unbelievable words.
Even Elcia stopped what she was doing for a moment.
Feeling all eyes on him, the Lizard Beastman opened his mouth again.
And what came out was even more shocking than what we just heard.
“I need you to find the Chief’s son.”
We had never promised anything, but we gaped at those words.
Our food started to tumble from our mouths.
It was like reacting to the words ‘Yeah…it’s a daughter.’
Amid all this, only Elcia came to her senses and caught the falling food back into her mouth.
‘Now that’s a real beast, a pink single-celled organism.’
[Watch out!]
Once again, the butterfly zipped past.
This time, it was my right temple.
“……Why again?”
“Two strikes.”
Elcia had a bright smile, but her eyes were completely serious.
At that moment, the Lizard Beastman asked me.
“Do you perhaps have an idea of where the Chief’s son might be?”
I looked closely at the photo again.
Upon closer inspection, the face bore a striking resemblance to the Chief.
Two eye sockets. Two nostrils. And one mouth.
The face puffed up as if stuffed with something.
And next to it, broth was trickling down.
After a moment of contemplation, I reached a conclusion.
“Maybe he’s gotten caught in a pig slaughtering machine?”
“Shinwoo, he may have already been processed and put into a machine making ham.”
“In my view, there’s no market value in that.”
“Husband! This can’t even be made into bacon!”
“……I’ll take that to mean he might have gotten involved in an unpleasant incident.”
The Lizard Beastman was trying to interpret things in the most positive way possible.
This time, I proposed another possibility.
“Have you checked the lodge in the mountains?”
“……Yes, he wasn’t there either.”
Understanding my gaze, the Lizard Beastman paused and spoke carefully.
Since he confirmed that he wasn’t struck by a monster.
This time, he presented the most conventional approach.
“Have you checked the surveillance ability users or CCTV on campus?”
“…I’m surprised.”
“Why?”
“I never expected that kind of normal words would come out of Shinwoo.”
“F*ck, seriously.”
I politely excused myself from the Lizard for a moment and left the scene.
Regrettably, I had left the Chief’s card behind.
Once again, we began our feast.
*
“When we checked, the last known location was heading towards the mountain behind the cafeteria.”
“It seems you couldn’t check inside the mountains?”
“It seems checking inside the mountains is a bit difficult.”
The returning Lizard Beastman spoke while trembling even more as he looked at the remnants of the food we had devoured.
However, my motivation fell sharply when I heard that the person we were looking for was the Chief’s son.
“Do we really need to do this? There must be plenty of people who can.”
“It’s because Shinwoo has shown excellent performance until now that we entrust this to you.”
“Really?”
“……Actually, I don’t know anyone else.”
The Lizard Beastman confessed to his incredibly narrow human connections.
Just then, Piece sharply interrupted.
[You’re not in a position to talk either.]
‘Are you looking down on our beast friends? They’re friends too.’
[So if you were to list your five closest friends, could you fill them all in?]
‘Shut the f*ck up.’
“I’ll make sure to provide sufficient compensation.”
“No matter how much money you offer, I don’t really want to get too friendly with the Chief.”
“It’s cash.”
“Let’s go!”
Cash changes the game.
In a situation where my bank account is frozen, every single bill is precious.
I quickly switched gears and prepared to lead everyone towards the mountain.
However, before we set off, the Lizard Beastman stopped us for a moment.
“Are you trying to add more work?”
“No, that’s not it. I just wanted to mention some precautions.”
“What is it?”
The Lizard Beastman suddenly pulled out a notebook from inside his coat.
Suddenly, he looked intellectual with just a notebook.
“Recently, there have been some strange movements at the Academy.”
“Why? Is someone pregnant again? Lucky bastards.”
“Y-Yes… No! That’s not it!”
The Lizard Beastman panicked, adjusting an item that made him look intellectual—his glasses.
Thanks to that, he looked twice as intelligent.
“Recently, there have been a large number of students in comas or unable to regain consciousness.”
“Sounds like they got too carried away.”
“……Please refrain from jumping to conclusions, whether male or female.”
“It sounds like they’ve really gone overboard, regardless of gender.”
“That’s not the case! You crazy f*ck!”
The Lizard Beastman let out a rough word, unable to hold it any longer.
Then he cleared his throat and regained his original tone.
“In any case, just be careful because you never know.”
“Okay, I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks.”
We began to head towards the mountains again.
In the meantime, the Escort Elf vanished the moment we started moving, fitting her title poorly.
‘She really just came to eat.’
[She consumed more than Elcia did, you know.]
Before leaving the cafeteria, I realized I had forgotten my phone and went back to get it.
As I was about to leave after grabbing my phone, what caught my eye was…
The Lizard Beastman, trembling with a receipt in his hand.
*
While hiking up the mountain.
I took a short break and asked Piece.
‘By the way, you were going to switch jobs, I guess that didn’t happen.’
[…..Lately, it seems that the star constellations require one to have at least one outstanding ability.]
‘You know how tough it is to just write one line in a self-introduction, right?’
[Be careful. I’ll be switching jobs as soon as I have the chance.]
That won’t happen, Piece.
The job you dream of.
The comfortable star constellation role you long for.
There’s no way that’ll happen.
[F*ck you.]
‘As long as I’m not involved!’
At that moment, Hyeji raised a question at me.
“But Shinwoo, how do you plan to search in this vast mountain?”
“I agree, Gongja, looking for someone in the mountains is incredibly hard.”
“This is when you hire subcontractors.”
I cleared my throat for a moment, letting it ring out loudly in the mountain.
So everyone could hear me.
“Hey, you beasts!!! Gather!!!”
As soon as I was done speaking, rustling sounds came from all directions as figures began to appear one by one.
Yes.
It’s time for our beast friends to shine.
